On Remembering What We Can Choose

On Friday, I attended the Penn State Commission on Women awards lunch. It reminded me of the kinds of choices we all can make, if we remember that these are things we can do and don’t talk ourselves out of them. You can:

• Send someone a note congratulating them, telling them something you admire about them, thanking them on their work for something, tell them a difference they made in your life
• Send a kudos to someone’s boss
• Set a reminder during performance review season and send out positive notes about everyone who helps you do your job
• Nominate someone for an award or a scholarship
• Compliment someone’s work in a public forum
• Make something for someone
• Edited to add: Vouch for someone’s skills when introducing or discussing them “X is a skilled __.”

Did someone move? Get new job? Seem like they need encouragement? Just finish something awesome? Get partway through something awesome? Fail at something awesome but they tried? You can acknowledge that in some way. I’m grateful that our workplace has a Friday Thanks! digest where people write in to say something awesome which another person did for them. Our dean shares kudos at her forum, both for achievements and notes of appreciation we’ve gotten externally. These, too, remind me of what I can do to recognize the folks I work with.

Some of these are things I sometimes forget I have the power to do…that I may have even had the power to do all along. I’ve thrown myself off in the past by worrying a lot whether I’m close enough to a person to send them a note because doing it on paper feels so much more personal. Maybe I wasn’t always in (or even am still not in) a position to nominate someone for an award, but I could suggest it to someone who could, coordinate other supporters, and provide a letter of support, etc.

On a slightly different note, but embracing the power of “you totally can” — you can also simply propose that you and a group of people do something. Gaming group? Labor group? I have been amazed by the power of putting together groups, asking people to show up and do one thing, and then setting reminders for the next thing. You will probably have to coordinate.

Will this kind of thing always work out? No. Maybe they do think it’s weird you sent a paper note. Maybe their boss thinks they shouldn’t have done the thing you complimented. Maybe nobody takes you up on your idea.

It feels safer to turtle up inside and let the “what ifs” have their way. But if you’ve ever been on the other end of these, you know what a difference they can make. Frankly, I know people already think a bit weird (they’re right). I’m trying to let go of that turtle instinct (Fear the Turtle!) and extend myself a bit more. It seems worth the risk.